Friday, October 08, 2021
Greetings, Dear Friends –
Thank you for pausing to read the third article in our Selah blog series, “Am I Listening?” As a reminder, part one focused on attention; part two on hearing. We now examine part three, understanding.
Our working definition of listening is based upon the article by Richard Nordquist, “The Definition of Listening and How to Do It Well” (updated Jan. 6, 2019; thoughtco.com):
“the active process of receiving and responding to spoken (and sometimes unspoken) messages. It is one of the subjects studied in the field of language arts and in the discipline of conversation analysis.”
I begin with this question: How many of us are listening specifically to understand? Do we enter the conversation with our minds already made up?! I admit, with some things in life this is necessary. For example, to know that, no matter what, we believe Jesus is the Christ; He is the Way that leads to life eternal with our Father in heaven; and the Bible really is the Word of God.
However, in some other things, it is necessary to suspend what we think or how we would like to respond—before the person with whom we are speaking even has the opportunity to open their mouths and utter even one word! In all relationships, we want to be valued, appreciated, and important enough to the person with whom we are speaking to listen to what we have to (or need to say). Do we want to understand? Do we care enough to stop what we are doing to ensure we do not miss any significant cues?
If I say, “I care,” or “I love you,” then my words and my body language need to follow suit. No phone call, work, or other distraction should usurp the people in our lives that value and need our understanding. Relationships fall apart without understanding critical to effective communication. This is not to say that we can never be distracted by competing demands on our attention, but what it does say is that we acknowledge the distraction and stop it in its tracks! When we realize the train is going off the track, we reel in our thoughts and place them where they need to be—on the person that needs our understanding. How can we sympathize, empathize, when we are not genuinely engaged in the conversation?
In listening for understanding, we can model our Lord Jesus’ behavior. In the Gospel of John 4:1-41, we read about the conversation between Jesus and the Samarian (Syrophoenician) woman. In Jesus’ conversation with her, He met her where she was in her own personal journey. He listened to her, and more so, He understood. Jesus told her things about herself that she needed to hear. This is a model for listening—not to judge, but to understand. How many of us have told our story only to have it misinterpreted, presumed, or not correctly heard?. We need truth, but it must be with compassion.
Jesus said to the Samarian woman in John 4:26: “…I that speak unto thee am He.”
Imagine how much of a blessing we can be when we take the Presence of Christ into our conversations. We listen as Christ does; we listen according to the Holy Spirit—with tenderness, compassion, truth, and understanding. We listen to be instruments of light illuminated solely by the Holy Spirit.
Let us encourage each other to listen well, to listen with understanding. This is what so many conversations lack today . . . all around the world. Listening actively—receiving and responding to spoken (and sometimes unspoken) messages. It begins with us, as we allow God to guide and direct every narrative. Our understanding, in the midst of conversation, will be like a well that runs deep and offers water that quenches one’s thirst—the thirst of poverty, selfishness, abandonment and neglect, bitterness and resentment, gluttony and greed, violence, hopelessness, oppression, anxiety, fear, depression, and invisibility. You (we) are the ones that are called to listen in a way that sees and understands spoken and unspoken words. What a tremendous gift!
Until next time, My Friend,
Selah
Note: The article referenced by Richard Norquist is based on author Marvin Gottlieb and the elements of good listening: attention, hearing, understanding, and remembering.
Source: Nordquist, Richard. “The Definition of Listening and How to Do It Well.” ThoughtCo, Aug. 26, 2020, thoughtco.com/listening-communication-term-1691247